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“You are not a member of our ‘club’!”- “Go away!” – “You were not invited to play this game!” – “We don’t want you on our team.”

Positive Play, this is not. These powerful words of exclusion, even while reading them now as an adult, can evoke a strong emotional response. There is a way early on in childhood to change that dynamic in a profound way, but first, think back- were you ever the recipient of these types of remarks? Were you possibly the child who sometimes made these comments to others? There were times when I landed on both sides of this kind of exclusion during my childhood, and I am sure I am not alone. The school playground or after school neighborhood gatherings were the prime locations for these types of exchanges during play.
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You probably don’t need a bit of help pouring out that love or responding when your child says, “I love you!” and “You are the best mom ever!” (I saw both of those on a written note today for one of our moms). We all know how to respond with “I love you too” or “I love you on Valentine’s Day and every day that is not Valentine’s Day too”. I wonder though, would you like to think a bit more about how to respond when your child screams, “I hate you!” (Or perhaps, “I hate Billy!” I hate Martie!”).
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For most parents traditional unstructured play seems pretty unrealistic in today’s society. Justified unease has lead to unrealized positive outcomes for children- until now. There is a happy medium: the hummingbird approach, observing from a distance, but always keenly. While the hummingbird parent is vigilant in observing, the idea is that the child doesn’t feel the full presence of the parent and thus free to develop those positive benefits of unstructured play.
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In the midst of all the fun, excitement and upcoming plans for the holidays, are you or your children feeling a bit stressed? Here are 7 ideas to make this time more enjoyable and manageable for both you and your child.
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